Quality time with your husband...Some may think it can be difficult when you both have demanding jobs or even if just one of you has a demanding job, and they are right. Finding quality time with your husband (or wife) can be challenging, especially when kids come into the picture. So let's get into some ways to handle it.
Most of you who know me or follow me on Facebook and Instagram, know that this picture was taken back on our honeymoon to Disneyland about two years ago. He may not look super happy in this picture, but I promise you he is, we were both just exhausted from the long day.
That was the last trip we had taken together (aside from the occasional trips up to Phoenix to see my family) before I got pregnant. There are a number of reasons for that, but the biggest being that we both had to work and with him being in the military, it's harder for him to take any time off.
Now during that time before getting pregnant (which, for those that don't know, was less than 7 months after we got married), we found ways to spend quality time together. This may be different for everyone, but for us, the way we enjoyed being together the most was sitting on the couch on the weekends and watching movies that we had never seen before or watching Criminal Minds and Madam Secretary that quickly became TV favorites on Netflix.
There were times, maybe once a month or so, where we would make a point to go out to dinner on a weekend. Or we would go for walks around our apartment complex or to Sabino Canyon that wasn't too far from us. And when he would work late, I would usually wait up for him and we would fall asleep together. We would also just spend time next to each other in bed or on the couch doing separate things, but we were still together and it made us happy.
Now once we found out I was pregnant, not too much of that changed. We ended up taking a trip out to Massachusetts a month after finding out for a friend's wedding and to see his family. It was great to get out of our regular routine and try some new stuff especially since we figured we wouldn't be able to do that for too much longer. We had a great time, but I had to leave earlier than him because of work.
Things got a little more challenging in the later months of my pregnancy because I really just didn't want to go anywhere or do anything because of all the weight on my low back. Working was hard enough; I'm a massage therapist and worked until I was about 34 weeks pregnant. It was not at all easy for me, but the biggest problem was just how big my belly got and I didn't want to hit clients with it or have Rose kick them in the head when I would work on the shoulders, so I had to leave.
But with all of the pain on my back, cuddling and sitting on the couch together became difficult, but so did walking around or doing things. I couldn't win. We wanted to spend that time together as much as possible because we knew we weren't gonna get many opportunities to after Rose was born.
Well fast-forward to after she was born, finding quality time wasn't as hard as we thought in the first couple months. Not much changed from our weekends cuddling on the couch except now we just had a new little person to cuddle with that was attached to one of us (mostly me in the beginning).
But as she started to get more mobile and wanting to do more things, it became difficult to find that time. With him working nights and me having to go to bed shortly after Rose was asleep because I would be the one who would get up with her, we couldn't have that time at night after he got off work. And even on the weekends, I would still go to bed earlier than him to wake up with her, which meant we didn't often get that time then either.
When we would go up the three of us to Phoenix to visit my family, they were more than willing to watch Rose while we went out even if it was just for a little drive or a walk by ourselves.
And I don't want you to think that we didn't spend time the three us, we did and we always enjoyed it (after we solved the nursing issue that I mentioned in my previous post). But it's a different dynamic after you have kids. And you still have to find time for each other and continue to learn about each other and support each other.
Some people can tend to be confused after they get married and start having kids that your kids should become your primary focus. And while they definitely are important and need most of your attention when they're little, you can't put your spouse to the side. They should come before your children. I know it sounds crazy even writing that, but it's true. Finding that quality time with your spouse is so important. And as kids come into the picture it may not look the same as it did before.
I know in the beginning it was hard for me because while Joe was at work and had that distraction, I wasn't working and so it was just me at home with Rose for most of the day and night. I kept wanting things to go back to the way they were when I was pregnant and we could just have that time when he got home, but at the end of the day I was exhausted. We had to figure something out.
Most of it was just a change in mindset; we knew they couldn't be the same, but it was still hard to let go of that. I changed my mindset to appreciate all of the little moments alone with him. When she started taking naps alone in her crib, we would use that time to spend together. Even if it was doing separate things on the bed or couch, we were still next to each other.
It took us a while to feel comfortable leaving her alone with people that weren't my family. It wasn't due to a lack of trust in the person watching her, but more to do with her personality and not knowing how she would handle it. It actually wasn't until just this past Saturday, the day after Valentine's Day, that we had someone else watch her. (He had to work on Valentine's Day so we couldn't have gone then.) But now that we know things went well with her, I'm almost kicking myself for not taking advantage of it sooner.
But it can be hard, as a new parent especially, to leave your kid alone with anybody for the first time, no matter who they are or how much you know and trust them. But now that we've gotten that first time out of the way, we will definitely be taking her up on the offer of watching Rose.
So to break down everything, because this was longer and possibly more confusing than I meant it to be (I feel like I was jumping all over the place), spending quality time with your spouse doesn't have to be big, extravagant dates. You can spend quality time together just by sitting and vegging on the couch watching a movie or TV show or sitting next to each other while you're doing different projects (or if you enjoy the same things, you can do them together!). And if you have kids, don't be afraid to take that friend up on their offer of watching your kids while you two go out to dinner or go to a bookstore together or go to the movies.
If you treat every moment you two have alone as special, then finding that quality time together becomes a lot easier.
Thanks for listening and I hope that it helps you find a new perspective or just confirm a perspective that you already have.