One of the biggest questions out there for moms is whether you should breastfeed your baby or give them formula. But it's not a black and white answer, and it is most definitely NOT easy. I wanted to share my experience for those of you that don't know.
So all throughout my pregnancy, I told myself and everyone that I wouldn't formula feed. Despite some of the horror stories I'd heard about breastfeeding, it was something I wanted to do and that I had set my mind to.
After our daughter was born, I stuck to it. The first few days, however, were terrible for both of us. (I'm sorry, but I can't sugar coat it. You can always expect me to give you a straight up answer if you ask for it.) I don't know what caused it (my best guess is that it was the pitocin I was given), but my milk coming in was delayed. She was born early Tuesday morning and my milk didn't come in until maybe Saturday.
I was sore from how hard she had to work to get the food that was there that wasn't giving her all of the nutrients she needed now. The colostrum (that's the early stages of your milk that develops while you're pregnant and then gives your baby nutrients for the first couple days) wasn't filling her up anymore and I came so close to giving her formula. But then my milk came in and I figured it was God reassuring me that I could in fact do this.
So fast-forward a month and she still was being breastfed, hadn't been given a bottle yet. Well after much debate with myself (and I can talk more about taking time to yourself in a later post), I had decided that I needed to take a couple hours where I didn't have a baby attached to me. So I pumped what I could and left. She wasn't eating much then so I didn't have to stress over pumping a lot of milk, which was a good thing because my supply was just enough to feed her and pumping was very difficult for me.
After getting the bottle, I was terrified that she wasn't going to want to nurse anymore, but thankfully she went back to it pretty easily...at first.
Due to my own misjudgment, I ended up getting dehydrated and therefore wasn't producing enough milk to feed her. SIDE NOTE: When people tell you to make sure to drink lots of water while breastfeeding, DO IT. It's crazy how quickly you can become dehydrated. Anyway, so because of that, I ended up having to supplement with formula until my supply was enough to feed her.
It took me about a week to gain my supply back. I would still breastfeed her during that week, but I was also giving her formula when I couldn't give her anymore milk.
Over that time, perhaps it was due to her re-flux (which she ended up getting medicine for) or just her personality and being impatient, but she began to have trouble with breastfeeding.
In the beginning, it started out that maybe once a day or once every other day, she would nurse for about 5 or 6 minutes and then suddenly start crying. I would try to get her to latch back on, but it took a little while before she finally did. She has a stubborn personality (even in the beginning), so I figured that it was just her being feisty.
That is until it started happening every. Single. Time. For about a month, EVERY time I would go to breastfeed her, she would eat for maybe 6 minutes on one side and then rip off and start screaming. Sometimes she would only eat for 2 minutes before doing it.
Her pediatrician and I both started to get worried because she wasn't gaining weight like she should and at one point, even started to lose weight. I didn't want her getting sick and she needed to eat. Nothing I was doing to get her to breastfeed was working. I felt like a failure and there were quite a few times where I would just sit and cry when she wouldn't eat.
It felt like she was rejecting me and that she just didn't want me. Of course, I knew that wasn't the case, but when you're sleep deprived and you've had a baby scream at you every time you go to feed them for a month, you tend to doubt yourself a little.
There were times over that month when she wouldn't eat, that I'd give her a bottle of formula so that I knew she was at least getting some of the nutrition that she needed. But I didn't want to completely make that switch. She wasn't even 3 months old yet at this point. And I didn't want to think that my dream of breastfeeding my baby was gone.
But everyone was miserable. Our daughter was miserable because she was always hungry but wouldn't nurse, I was miserable because she screamed almost all the time, my husband was miserable because there was no way of soothing her, and every time we visited my family, everyone there was miserable too.
About a week before she turned 3 months old, the two of us went to visit my family while my husband had to work. And after talking with my mom about how hard everything was, she told me not to feel bad about switching to formula. She said that it would give me peace of mind and that our daughter would actually start eating.
And let me tell you, it was one of the best decisions we made as young parents. Of course, there are times where I miss the bonding involved in breastfeeding and I have not given up on breastfeeding any future kids, but as for her, formula has been the way to go.
After making the switch, her weight quickly went back on track and she became such a happy baby; it was almost like she was a completely different baby. We both enjoyed our time with her much more and my younger sister was able to appreciate and find joy in being her aunt because she wasn't screaming all the time.
So if you're at war with yourself or you have a sister, cousin, aunt, or friend who is struggling with breastfeeding and doesn't know whether or not they should make the switch to formula, let them know that it's okay to do it. You are not a failure if you switch. You are not a failure if you choose to not breastfeed your baby at all. Because at the end of the day a fed baby is best. A happy baby is best. And both lead to a happy family. God bless and I hope that my experience has helped you or at least given you something to think about.