Jane sat in the middle of her church listening to the priest give his homily. It was all about the saving power of God’s grace. People make mistakes, we can’t help it because it’s a part of our fallen nature. But God’s grace is there to forgive our sins so that we can go back to Him when we die, we just have to keep our hearts open to Him.
She sat reflecting on those words. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe them, because she did, but it was hard to accept that any sin could be forgiven if the person just asked for it. But she tried to do the Christian thing and not hold a grudge. She put her focus back on church.
Sundays were always her favorite days because some of the ladies of the church would get together and chat. Sometimes they would make sandwiches to give to the hungry, or host bake sales where the money they earned would go to charities. But today they just gathered at a coffee shop and talked about their lives.
Katherine, whose husband was currently overseas on deployment, had two children under the age of five who were starting to be quite the handful. Grace, who was an older woman, just celebrated fifty years of marriage with her husband Jeff. Anne was the single mother of an eight month old baby, her husband passed away before their child was born. And then there was Jane, single with no kids and no prospects on the horizon. Each woman had gone through troubles and tragedies in their lives, but they got through it with God’s love and grace.
The women sat there talking and laughing. They all heard the bell jingle above the door, but Jane was the only one to look as a handsome young man caught her eye. She tried not to stare, or at least not make it so obvious, but she couldn’t help herself. He was nicely tan, a medium build, dark hair, and what looked like green eyes from far away.
Once she stopped answering their questions, the other women looked too and they all started to giggle. “Guys, he’s gonna think we’re laughing at him.”
“Oh Jane, please. We’re still in our Sunday dresses and anyone who sees four women of different ages laughing in dresses is going to assume either someone made a joke or Grace let one rip.” Katherine was the more wild of the bunch and having two sons made it hard to have a filter. They all laughed as they got up to leave, but Jane looked over her shoulder at the man wondering if she’d see him again.
It wasn’t until two weeks later that she did. Jane was at the grocery store in the ice cream isle, when the young man reached for the same door she was. “Go ahead, ladies first.” She grabbed her mint chocolate chip.
“Thank you.” She stood there as he grabbed the same flavor. “Have you ever had it before?” She was trying to find a way to get to know him, but she wasn’t very good at having conversations with men she didn’t know.
“I have, it’s actually my favorite.” He smiled at her; it appeared to be a good sign. “My favorite thing to do is actually eat it with a cup of hot chocolate. A little bit of cold with the hot, but you also get the flavor of mint in your cocoa.” If he was sharing things openly, it really must be a good sign.
“I’ve never done that, but it sounds really good.” She half turned to walk away. “Well, since we both already have our ice cream, there’s a really good cocoa place just a couple stores down if you want to try it...with me. Would you want to?”
Her stomach flipped. “Uh, sure. Why not?”
They walked into the chilly night air with their ice cream freezing their hands. Jane’s stomach started to form knots as she walked next to a complete stranger in the dark. Her throat got tight and she started to feel a hand close around it but there was nothing there. It started to make her dizzy and he put a hand to her back to help stabilize her but she jerked away at his touch. They reached the door to the cocoa place and he directed her toward a seat in the corner.
“Are you okay? I know it’s kinda cold there, but you had me a little worried with the dizziness.” Why had she agreed to walk at night with a perfect stranger? What was she thinking?
“I’m fine. I’m sorry, you must think I’m a psycho agreeing to cocoa with a perfect stranger and then almost passing out on you. I don’t even know your name.” She knew she sounded crazy, but she was just trying to catch her breath.
“It’s Carter, Carter Daniels. And I work at St. Joseph’s Hospital, I live in a small one bedroom one bath apartment. I own a dog, his name is Gruff, I did not give him that name it was my nephew.”
Huh? “What?”
“Well you seem like you’re having a panic attack for being out with a stranger, so I thought I’d make myself less strange. And your name is…?”
She started to calm down. “It’s Jane, Jane Adams.”
“Well it’s nice to meet you, Jane. Would you like to still sit down and have that cocoa? I won’t be offended if you don’t.” She thought about it; she really did want to get to know him, her first instinct was that he was a good guy and she trusted herself.
“I’d like to, if you’re not too weirded out by me.”
“Not at all. You’re a breath of fresh air, and yes I know it’s very cold outside right now.”
They talked for hours about their lives. Jane found out that he is the youngest of five siblings with just one older brother and three older sisters. He went to med school and is now working as a resident. He talked about summers by the beach with his family and the crazy things he did when he was a teenager. He got a little emotional when talking about his parents, but wouldn’t say why.
She talked about her parents and growing up with no siblings but friends next door who became like siblings. She talked about her college years and trying to find a job working with teenagers; he didn’t understand that one. It wasn’t until one of the workers came over and said that they needed to close that they looked around and realized they were the only ones left.
“Wow, I didn’t realize it had gotten so late.” He looked down at his watch.
“Yeah, wow. Sorry I kept you so long with my babbling.”
“Oh please, I think I talked more than you did. But you definitely laughed more than I did, so you beat me there.” She laughed again and he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Would you like me to walk you back to your car? Now that we know each other’s life story, we’re not strangers anymore and you’re less likely to have a panic attack.”
She put her hands over her face. “Ugh, I’m mortified. I must have looked so silly.”
“You’d be surprised how many people come in to the ER complaining of dizziness, sick stomach, and tight throat thinking they’re going to die when really it’s just a panic attack. They can be serious if not coached through. But I’m glad I was there to help you.”
She looked down at the table blushing. “I’m glad you were there too. And I would love a walk back to my car. It is pretty dark and I don’t like walking at night by myself anymore.” She didn’t feel like explaining the reason why though.
They walked together back to their cars only to find them parked next to each other. They both laughed. “Tonight was really fun, I enjoy spending time with you. I’d like to do it again, maybe dinner before dessert? How does tomorrow night sound?”
Her heart felt like it would it burst out of her chest. She wasn’t the only one who felt something as they talked. “I would really like that.”
“Okay, great!” He leaned close and kissed her cheek. “I’ll pick you up at seven, just text me where.” He hugged her, opened her car door and watched as she drove away.
Their date the next night was better than she could have imagined. She thought that they would be all talked out from the night before, but stories just kept coming up as the night went on. They started talking about their hopes and dreams and their biggest fears. Her biggest fear was that she wouldn’t be enough; for God, her family, her friends, or anyone. His was that he would end up a failure and disappoint his parents; again he got emotional talking about them.
“You get really emotional talking about your parents. Are they okay?” She didn’t want to prye, but she really wanted to get to know him more.
“My dad is good, but my mom passed away during college, it was cancer. It’s actually what made me want to be a doctor, I didn’t want anyone else to have to go through what I went through. At least I could make a difference and work towards making people better.”
“That’s really hard. I’m so sorry you went through that. Did you try going to church to help with the pain?” Based on some of the things he talked about, she figured he was the church going type. “I actually don’t go anymore. It’s useless if God doesn’t exist.”
“What do you mean? Of course He does. How can you be a doctor and believe He doesn’t?” It was a little early to be talking religion, but she might as well know now before she got too serious about him.
“I’m a doctor to help people because He doesn’t exist. There’s no one else to help them, so I might as well do what I can.”
This wasn’t making much sense. “But I thought, based on how you talked about growing up, that you went to church and believed like I do.”
“I did before my mom died. But after hours of praying and begging Him not to take her and to heal her so she could stay with us, she died anyway. There was no one listening. I was talking to a void. Because if He did exist, He would have saved her.”
Now she understood, but she didn’t know how to explain to him that no matter how hard we pray, sometimes it’s not God’s will that the people we love stay here with us. Sometimes it’s just their time to go and be with God. And while it’s okay for us to be sad about them not being with us anymore, we should be happy for them that they finally get to be with God. She just sat there at the table quietly as they finished their dinner thinking of a way to get him to understand. When people are hurting like that, actions are better than words. So she decided to show him that God can still exist in the pain.
Two months had gone by since they started dating and Jane was still trying to show Carter that God existed in the pain. Other than their faith division, they had so much in common. Where they were different, their personalities complimented one another; where she was quiet he was loud, where he was instrumentally inclined she was more inclined to sing. They grew very close.
One Sunday Jane decided she would invite Carter to go to mass with her. He didn’t really seem up for it, but he agreed anyway. Halfway through the priest’s homily however, he got up and went outside. Jane knew she should stay and hear the rest, but something was calling her heart outside with him, so she got up quietly and left too.
“Is everything okay, hon?” She put a hand on his shoulder blade.
“No, it’s not. Why did you ask me to come? You know I don’t believe this, so why are you trying to force it?”
She could hear the frustration and anger rising in his voice. “I just thought since it’s been so long, it might be nice for you to go.”
Now he was yelling. “Well it isn’t! I don’t want to be reminded of this stuff and how I lost my mom! Just let it go!” He stormed off, got in his car, and drove away. He must have forgotten that he was her ride home.
She tried not to let herself cry during the rest of mass and she had to ask Katherine for a ride home, she wasn’t feeling up for a get together with the other women. When she got home, she saw that there was a message left for her so she hit the play button. “This is Blake Richmond calling for Jane Adams. I’m the lawyer for Amanda Wells, she said that if I used her name you’d know what that meant. Anyway, please call me as soon as you can, the matter is quite urgent.”
Jane’s knees buckled and she fell to the floor. She hadn’t talked to Amanda since college. They used to be really close until one night...she didn’t want to think about it. She had shut most people out of her life after that. All except God, He was the one who had gotten her through such an awful time. That’s why she didn’t understand why Carter had reacted so strongly with her this morning. She could understand being angry after it happened, she definitely was. But it was once she had gotten over the anger and felt the gut wrenching pain that she knew there was only one person who could help her through it. She picked herself up off the floor and called Mr. Richmond back.
They met three days later at his office and Amanda was there. Jane went straight for her and gave her a big long hug. Amanda had a black eye and purple finger prints on her neck that she tried to hide with a scarf; she probably had bruises in other places too. Jane remembered those all too well and she fought back tears for herself and her friend. As Amanda described the man who did this to the lawyer, Jane could have kicked herself. It was the same man who did it to her in her senior year of college. If only she had gone to the police Amanda might have been saved from this, but she had been afraid and too ashamed to say something.
The lawyer explained that with two testimonies, they were more likely to get the man put away. Jane agreed to do it; it was time to finally put the past behind her and move forward.
Jane decided to take Amanda out for coffee after the lawyers. She covered herself as best she could with makeup so that no one would see the bruises. Jane wasn’t paying attention when she bumped into someone. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t watching--Carter. Hi.” After he stormed off at church and she hadn’t heard from him since, she figured they were over. “Amanda, this is Carter my b--a friend. Carter, this is my friend Amanda.” Amanda went to shake his hand and her scarf caught revealing a bruise that she quickly covered up. “Nice to meet you, Amanda. Jane, can we talk?”
She left Amanda in line to order and walked with him to a table in the back. “I just wanted to apologize for my outburst on Sunday. I get emotional about my mom.”
“Yeah, I know you do. But Carter, now’s not really a good time. I need to be there for Amanda.”
He leaned closer. “Is this about the bruising on her neck? What happened?”
She crossed her arms. “It’s not really for me to tell. And you don’t seem too interested in anyone else’s problems but your own. You’re not the only one who has gone through something unspeakable.”
She got up to leave but he held her arm and lowered her back down. “I’m sorry. What do you mean? This isn’t just about Amanda is it?”
She tried to fight back tears but they started to come anyway. He moved his chair closer and encircled her in his arms. “It’s not just Amanda. Those bruises...I can still feel his hands around my throat.” She managed between sobs. “Going through this with Amanda is like experiencing it all over again. But it’s almost behind us, we’re testifying tomorrow and he’s being put away.” He held her a moment longer and then pulled away just enough to look in her eyes.
“Can I come with you? I’d like to be there for you.”
“I thought you didn’t want this anymore? After you stormed off and left me to find a ride by myself, I figured that was your way of ending things.”
He cringed as she mentioned his behavior. “I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t my finest moment. But my mom taught me to be better than that, so no I wasn’t ending things. I don’t want to end things.” He took her face in his hands and kissed each of her tear-stained eyes, then her cheeks, then her chin, then he looked into her eyes and kissed her lips. It was gentle at first, like he wanted it to be light enough not to alarm her after what she had been through. Then his kiss deepened as he drew her closer, with one hand in her hair and the other resting against her collar bone.
They were both breathing deeply when he pulled away. Amanda came over and sat across from them. The three of them chatted for a few hours before Carter got up to leave for the hospital. “I’ll see you ladies tomorrow at the courthouse.” He bent down and gave Jane a sweet but quick kiss.
At the courthouse, Jane shook from head to toe. She was not much for confrontation and this would be the biggest test of that for her. Lord, my strength and my shield, my God and Savior, help me through this. She got up to the stand when her name was called and gave her testimony. Then Amanda got up and gave hers. With the bruises still showing, the jury was unanimous in their decision when the judge announced the ruling of guilty. Jane breathed a sigh of relief. Thank you. He won’t hurt another woman again.
Carter came up to Jane outside the courthouse. “How did you get through something so awful and you still have your faith?”
This was her moment to tell him. God had given her a way to bring Carter back to Him through her suffering. “I got through it because of my faith. I was angry at first, like you are about your mom. But once the anger left, all that was there was pain and I just knew that even though a terrible thing had happened to me, God still saw me as beautiful and with His love the pain began to diminish. It’s in the valleys where our faith is tried. It’s easy to believe in God when we’re up on the mountain and are close to Him, but it’s when we are in the valleys and can’t feel Him that we need Him most.
“And sometimes the prayers that we pray for people that we love to stay here with us seem like they go unanswered. But it was the prayer that your mother be healed that was answered. The pain she went through fighting cancer was relieved. And you said so yourself that your mother believed in God, and while it’s so painful to lose someone we love and to live on this earth without them, we have to be happy for them as well because they are finally home and get to see God’s face before the rest of us.”
Carter took her in his arms and kissed her passionately. She put her arms around his neck as his arms encircled her waist picking her up off the ground slightly. They were near a railing and once she was back on solid ground, she felt her back pressed against it as his body seemed to envelop her. He pulled away and then gave her a simple light kiss.
They were breathless. “What was that for?”
“I love you. Your faith is astounding and even after going what you went through, it makes me want to grow mine again. You’ve been the only person to help me see my mother’s death in a different way. Rather than seeing it as us losing her, it’s her gaining heaven. You are beautiful and amazing for showing me that. I love you; truly, honestly, wholeheartedly, I love you. And I know it hasn’t been long and I don’t have a ring right now because this is so spur of the moment, but when you know, you know.” He got down on one knee and her breath caught in her throat. “Jane Adams, I need to learn your middle name at some point, would you do me the honor of making me the happiest man and being my wife?”
She tried to speak but couldn’t find her voice, so she nodded her head. “Yes, a thousand times yes.” There it was. Their tragedies had brought them each something that changed their lives forever; it brought them to each other.